Fangirl Rampage!
by Jun-Himekawa
Summary: 6 men. ONE goal. To save their friend...WHILE AVOIDING TWO CRAZY OBSESSED FANGIRLS! Join Cloud, Sephiroth, Genesis, Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo in a "not-so-action" packed adventure to save their friend Zack from Jun and Neomoti before...SOMETHING happens...
1. Chapter 1

**This is just a random humorous fic that I made up because I'm bored….**

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Me: Hey, Neomoti!

Neomoti: Huh? Hey, Jun!

Me: I know what we're gonna do today… *evil smirk*

Neomoti: What do you have in mind? *smirks back*

Me: *puts arm around Neomoti's shoulder* We chase those Final Fantasy VII boys that we like.

Neomoti: Ooh, a fangirl rampage. How exciting!

Me: I got what we need. Nets, ropes, tranquilizers, some Confusion Materia, and Velvet Nightmare. *smirks* Also, a truck to put the bodies in. And for torture? A Justin Bieber music album.

Neomoti: Wait, why do you have Yazoo's weapon? *picks up V.N*

Me: So that we can lure Yazoo more easily than last time and use it for protection.

_MEANWHILE…._

Zack: *behind bushes with walkie-talkie* Puppy to Chocobo, do you read me? Over.

Cloud: Chocobo to Puppy , what's happening? Over.

Zack: Puppy to Chocobo, it seems like those girls are planning something again. Over.

Cloud: Chocobo to Puppy, did they stole any weapons? Over.

Zack: Puppy to Chocobo, it seems like they stole **VELVET NIGHTMARE?!**

Cloud: Wait, what?! How did they do it while Yazoo wasn't looking?

Zack: I don- wait NO! STOP! THEY GOT ME! CLOUD, GO GET HELP! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! NO, NOT MY HAIR!

Cloud: Zack? ZACK?! I lost him…. I need to round up everybody….

(At the meeting underground. Cloud has rounded up, Sephiroth, Kadaj, and Yazoo. The only other people he knew that Jun and Neomoti [But mostly Jun] fangirl over.)

Cloud: Guys, they've got Zack.

Kadaj: What?! We have to do something about it!

Yazoo: Like what? Those girls have overpowered us a bunch of times.

Sephiroth: We never try to use any kind of strategy, that's why.

Cloud: **COME ON, GUYS! **We're FF7 characters who can defeat Bahamuts, Ifrits, and –

(Loz and Genesis enters the room.)

Kadaj: What are you guys doing here?

Genesis: Jun updated her profile on FinalFantasyBoysAreCute. com (And, no. it's not a real website, so don't waste your time searching it up. XD) and added me and Loz to the list of FFVII boys she likes.

Cloud: Ooooooooook?

Loz: She started liking me because she realized that my crying in AC was adorable. But I wasn't crying!

Genesis: And Jun started liking me ever since she joined an RP group that RPs with FF7 characters.

Yazoo: Now that that we got some extra help, what's the plan?

Cloud: *scratches the back of his head*Don't…know…

Sephiroth: *scoffs* You're the leader of AVALANCHE and you can't even come up with a plan to capture two measly **GIRLS.**

Cloud: It's not like we're going to hurt them right? I'm saying that it's hard to come up with a plan that won't involve torture.

Kadaj: Hey, I got a plan…. *smirks*

_**TO BE CONTIUNED….**_

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**Neomoti is actually kuromi101 on . Neomoti is her Deviantart username. What will me and Neomoti do next? The world may never know…. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHA! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! I've finally got my first reviewer! *happy dance***

**Thank you so much, yuffen123, for being my first reviewer on Fanfiction. net ! *hugs***

* * *

_**PART 2…**_

Me: Well, Neomoti. It looks like we have our first guest… *takes sack off prisoner's head*

Neomoti: Welcome, Mr. Fair….

Zack: You girls are **SICK**, you know that?

Me: All in the power of Fangirliness! *laughs*

Neomoti: *plays with Zack's hair* How **DO **you get your hair to stay like that?

Zack: My friends are going to save me. Just you wait….

Me: On the contrary, there are a bunch of traps around this place.

Neomoti: And they can easily detect FF7 characters. Mostly boys.

Me: Now…*shines flashlight into Zack's face* _**TELL US ALL YOUR SECRETS!**_

Zack: _**NEVAH!**_

Neomoti: Oh, well. *claps hands* Oh, HOOOOOOOOOJOOOOOOO!

(Hojo enters the room with shock neck brace on.)

Neomoti: Bring in….._**THE ALBUM…..**_

Hojo: *nods and exits the room, bringing back a Justin Bieber music album*

Zack: N-No…. NOT JUSTIN BIEBER! *squirms in chair*

Neomoti: Jun, the headphones. *smirks*

Me: *gives headphones to Neomoti*

Neomoti: *puts headphones on Zack's head, connecting them to a CD player with the J.B. CD*

Zack: GET IT OFF!

Me: *presses play*

Zack: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_**MEANWHILE….**_

Kadaj: I have an idea… *smirks*

Cloud: What is it?

Kadaj: We should use bait to lure the girls out of their lair. That way, we can capture them with ease **WITHOUT **harming them.

Genesis: And what if they have weapons?

Kadaj: We'll get some type of magnet to pull the weapons out of their reach.

Sephiroth: But what if they have weapons that aren't made of metal?

Kadaj: Oh, come on, Big Brother. Like those girls would have any weapons that AREN'T made of metal.

Loz: Well, the only weapon that we know the girls have that isn't made of metal is….

All in Unison: Justin Bieber music albums! *shudders*

Cloud: Who's gonna be the bait?

Kadaj: All I know it has to be something that'll make either Jun or Neomoti chase them. Making the other one follow.

Sephiroth: Something irresistible….

Loz: Something that'll make them go "Super Fangirl Crazy".

Cloud: Something like….

(Cloud, Sephiroth, Loz, Kadaj, and Genesis turned their heads to look at Yazoo. They all smirked and they walked slowly towards him.)

Yazoo: *slowly backs away a bit* Why are you guys looking at me like that?

Kadaj: Well, one thing's for sure…

Sephiroth: On Jun's profile….

Genesis: She said that there's one thing….

Loz: That "Turns her on"…

Cloud: And that thing is…..

All in Unison except Yazoo: A SHIRTLESS YAZOO!

Yazoo: WHAT?! OVER MY DEAD BODY!

(Cloud, Loz, Kadaj, Sephiroth, and Genesis looked at each other and nodded.)

In Unison: Ok. *pulls out their weapons*

Yazoo: W-WAIT, NOT LITERALLY!

Kadaj: Yazoo, we really need to save Zack. Show some sympathy!

Yazoo: But being _HALF NAKED? _Isn't there something else?

Sephiroth: Unfortunately, no.

Yazoo: *sighs* Ok, I'll do it….

Loz: YAY! *bear hugs Yazoo*

Yazoo: *yelps and suffocates* Loz….let….go… *passes out*

Kadaj: LOZ! LET HIM GO!

Loz: Oops… *lets go of Yazoo, making him fall to the ground*

Kadaj: Great. **Just great.**

Genesis: Well, at least it'll a bit easier to make him take his shirt off.

Cloud: Alright, who's going to do it?

(Akward 30 minute silence…)

Kadaj: …LOZ'LL DO IT!

Loz: NO WAY! THAT'S JUST WRONG!

Genesis: Hey, you guys are **brothers. **What's so wrong about taking the shirt off a fellow brethren?

Loz and Kadaj: Well…uh…it's…uh….

Sephiroth: Don't tell me….you think your own brother's a…girl?

Loz and Kadaj: WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF BEFORE AND HE JUST LOOKS LIKE A GIRL! SO… YEAH, HE'S PROBABLY A GIRL!

Cloud: *facepalms* This is going to be a **LOOOOONG** DAY…

_**TO BE CONTINUED….**_

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**Yeah, this IS going to be a long day, Cloud….**


	3. Chapter 3

_**PART 3….**_

Cloud: *facepalms* This is going to be a **LOOOOONG **day….

Genesis: *sits on a chair* Tell me about it….

Sephiroth: You remnants have been calling Yazoo "brother", not "sister" since the day you guys were born. Just because you haven't seen him take his shirt off once doesn't mean he's a girl.

Loz: But it makes sense! Maybe he's a spy!

Kadaj: Yeah! A spy who was hired by Jun and Neomoti!

Cloud: **CAN'T GUYS YOU JUST TAKE OFF HIS FREAKIN' COAT AND SAVE ZACK?! IT'S NOT THAT HARD JUST TO UNZIP HIS COAT, ***roughly grabs Yazoo's collar and unzips his coat* **AND TAKE IT OFF! ***rips off Yazoo's coat, not noticing that he did it in the first place*

*All males' (except Cloud) mouths hung open*

Cloud: …W-What?

*The silverettes and Genesis pointed their fingers at Yazoo. Cloud slowly turned his head to Yazoo and screamed*

Cloud: Ya…he…oh my…he looks…

Kadaj: Bea…

Loz: U…

Sephiroth: Ti….

Genesis: Ful.

*Yazoo laid on the floor, with a light shining on him in an angelic way. (It's unknown where the light came from.) His shirtless, slim self basking in glory.*

Cloud: *grins* We are **SO **getting Zack back.

Kadaj: Hecks, yeah, we are. *smirks*

_**MEANWHILE….**_

Me: *sniffs the air* I. Smell. **SHIRTLESSNESS….**

Neomoti: *walks up to me* What do you mean?

Me: *turns to Neomoti* I. Smell. **A SHIRTLESS FFVII BOY!**

Neomoti: *gasps* **NO WAY!**

Me: *nods vigorously* **WAY.**

Neomoti: *grabs net, Velvet Nightmare, some rope, and an extra J.B album since Zack was using the other one.* Let's go.

Me: *nods and follows the "shirtless FFVII boy scent"*

*Neomoti and I were lead to a forest.*

Me: Ne…Ne…

Neomoti: What?

Me: *takes Neomoti's head and turns it to where I was looking at.*

Neomoti: *gasps* It's….

Me: **YAZOO!**

*Yazoo was on the grass, with a peaceful sleeping face without a shirt on.*

Me: *squeals* Am I dreaming, Neomoti?!

Neomoti: No, you're not!

Me: **LET'S CAPTURE HIM!**

Neomoti: **YEAH!**

*Both girls used the rope to tie Yazoo gently, trying to not wake him up*

_**MEANWHILE…**_

Kadaj: *hides behind a bush, with a walkie-talkie*SHM to Chocobo, they took the bait. Over.

Cloud: Chocobo to SHM, good. We're at their hideout. Over.

Kadaj: SHM to Chocobo, great! Talk to you guys later. Over and out.

Cloud: Alright, guys, we'll split up. Genesis and Sephiroth, go west while Loz and I go east.

*The males nodded and went their separate ways. Cloud and Loz ran through the east hall. They ran into some traps that had to do with the dreaded _**J.B. MUSIC ALBUMS.**_ Genesis and Sephiroth had stronger defenses to go through. That being _**J.B LIFE-SIZED CARDBOARD CUTOUTS**_ *

Loz: THERE HE IS!

(Zack was seen tied to a chair with the dreaded headphones on; eyes rolled to the back of his head and drooling. He was also moaning like a zombie.)

Cloud: What have they _**done **_to him?

(Sephiroth and Genesis caught up to Loz and Cloud.)

Genesis: Dear, Shiva…

Sephiroth: *walks up to Zack and takes off earphones with "Baby" by Justin Bieber playing on the LOUDEST volume*

Cloud: _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH! **_*covers ears* _**TURN IT OFF!**_

(Everyone covered their ears. Masamune appeared in Sephiroth's hand, making him slice the CD player in half.)

Cloud: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Sephiroth, you're a lifesaver.

Sephiroth: *nods*

Loz: *walks to Zack* Hey, Zack? *snaps fingers in front of Zack*

Zack: *continues to drool*

Cloud: *sighs* Zaaaaaack, your mother needs your help in the kitchen!

Zack: *trance broken* I'M AWAKE, MOMMY!

(Sephiroth, Genesis, and Loz stared at Zack strangely.)

Sephiroth, Genesis, and Loz: W…T…F?

Cloud: You guys have _**NO **_idea how close me and Zack are, so ignore it.

Zack: Um, can you guys help me out of this chair?

Genesis: *unties Zack*

Cloud: Great, now we have to get Kadaj and Yazoo.

(Everybody nods in agreement)

_**MEANWHILE…**_

Sephiroth: Kadaj, Yazoo!

(Kadaj and Yazoo were seen with Neomoti and I. We were tied to a tree.)

Kadaj: HAHA! How does it feel to be the loser now, huh?!

Yazoo: *finds Velvet Nightmare in Neomoti's hand and takes it* I'll take _**THAT, **_thank you.

Cloud: Well done, guys!

Me: *growls, then smirks* This ain't over yet…Neomoti?

Neomoti: *wriggles and presses a button on her belt*

Genesis: What's…that?

Neomoti: Oh, this? A signal.

Loz: Signal for what?

(The earth shakes.)

Me: _**THAT…**_

(A giant army tank submerges from the ground. A girl comes out of tank and smirks.)

Yuffen: Took you guys long enough to call me.

Kadaj: _**THERE'S MORE OF THEM?!**_

Me: Come ON! We're not just two little girls who love FFVII boys, we're a whole organization! The one you're looking at right now is one of our TOP fangirls. Captured Vincent Valentine all by herself.

Yuffen: That's right. He was a tricky one, I have to admit. Now that you guys are in our clutches, any last words?

Zack: Cloud, I love you, man. No homo.

Cloud: Me too. Also, no homo.

Yazoo: I can't believe I got shirtless for nothing…

Loz: I think this is the perfect time to start crying… *cries heart out*

Me: *looks at Loz*Aww…so cute!

Loz: Sh-shut up!

Kadaj: Well, it was fun while it lasted…

Genesis: …I hate girls….

Sephiroth: Hmph, at least I can escape and fulfill Mother's promise afterwards.

Me: Uh, Planet to Sephiroth? Your ma's name isn't Jenova, it's Lucrecia Crescent. _**SHE**_ was the one who gave birth to you, not some 2,000 year old alien! Congrats, General Sephiroth _**CRESCENT, **_you have finally learned the truth after 32 freakin' years!

Sephiroth: D:

Yuffen: Ooh, _**burn.**_

(Yuffen throws net on the FFVII boys. Neomoti and I were untied from the tree.)

Neomoti: Whoa, seven boys captured in one day. Must be a new record.

Zack: **JUST YOU WAIT! ALL OF US PLUS THE GUYS YOU CAPTURED WILL BUST OUT OF YOUR EVIL PRISON AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP US!**

Yuffen: Gravity-defying puppy hair gel.

Zack: *eyes rolled to the back of his head and started drooling all over again*

Cloud: Za- *mouth covered with tape courtesy of Neomoti*

Neomoti: Nuh, uh, uh, we wouldn't want you to break his trance!

(All three girls tied the FFVII team's hands with rope and took their weapons.)

Yuffen: Now, off we go! Jun, Neomoti. Tie those guys to the back of the tank.

Me: Alright, LET'S DO IT!

(Neomoti and I tied the guys to the back of the tank.)

Kadaj: **WHY ARE YOU TYING US TO THE BACK OF A TANK?!**

Yuffen: *throws two army helmets at Neomoti and I. Places one on head* There's only space for three _normal-sized _girls.

Genesis: **YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US!**

Me: We don't care.

Neomoti: Uh…I do…

Me: *looks at Neomoti* But you only care about Genesis. *looks at Yuffen* ALL SET!

Yuffen: Alright, let's get going!

(The girls start the tank and drove 2674264156175196517341589457 1696172167257167161267567261 2126123124156415671597591 mph. Most of the FFVII suffered from nausea, especially Cloud.)

Yuffen: Here we are! *exits tank and looks at the FFVII team* Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

(The boys all look a tad bit green and were on the verge of throwing up for the 199th time in a row.)

Me: Whoa, do you think that we drove a bit too fast?

(All three of us looked at each other.)

Me, Yuffen, and Neomoti: NAWWWWWW!

(We untied the FFVII teams bonds, making them fall face first on the floor.)

FFVII Team: *groans*

Neomoti: This was TOO easy!

Yuffen: You got THAT right!

Me: What should we do now?

(5 minute silence)

Neomoti: End the story.

Me: Yeah, I guess so.

Yuffen: One more thing….

(Yuffen whistled, calling all the fangirls to come and take the FFVII team.)

Yuffen: NOW we're done.

(All of the fangirls had a beach party with their prisoners as servants.)

Cloud: I….

Zack: Freakin'…

Kadaj: Hate…

Yazoo: Those…

Sephiroth: Evil…

Genesis: Diabolical…

Loz: _**FANGIRLS!**_

Me: Oh, yes. We **KNOW **you do.

_**THE END**_

**WOOOOOOO! FINISHED! I had a blast writing this for you guys! We had a special guest appearance, our very own yuffen123! She was my very first reviewer on Fanfiction. Net. That's why this chapter was dedicated to her. Continue to rock on, Yuffen! :D**

**Almost forgot. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**


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